This is going to be a raw and real post. I don’t plan on hiding quirky jokes or a mask right now. You can hit the exit button if you are expecting a fun fashion post. More of that is in the works and will be coming shortly but for now…here is some ugly truth about life and the world.
They say saddest people laugh the hardest – they also say people who spread light live in the darkest homes. I laugh the loudest and crack the wackiest joke, and I am always everyone’s first line of support.
Empaths – a topic I knew nothing about till about a 1.5 years ago. As a child growing up I didn’t understand how I felt the searing pain of the guy in the movie when he got his hand chopped off, like my own. I didn’t understand how I could relate to opposing and contradicting views and know where everyone was coming from. Why I was the first one to help when someone seemed like they were hurting or needed assistance. My constant need to fix others’ problems and make everyone happy around me. If they were sad, I was sad. If someone had something better than me, instead of jealousy – I celebrated with them like the win was my own. It’s just less than 2 years ago my cousin shared the article about empathetic people. I was astonished that this was a thing, that there are others out there like me. I haven’t ran into one who would openly claim they are one but I would really love to meet one!
Being an empath and adding bullying to the mix, only escalated my problems. I started working on trying to fix things harder, I started to lose track of whose pain I felt more mine or theirs? I get why they made horrible decisions and I didn’t agree with them but somehow I felt for them and I let them continue. The cycle never stopped and I continue to struggle with it upto this day. But more than ever I am working hard to changing myself.
Most empaths are listed as introverts, since they are human sponges who absorb others’ emotions and energies. They need alone time to recuperate. It made perfect sense why as a teenager I hid behind books, only to come out when a friend needed help. It hurt that no one ever asked “hey how is your day?” but always dived right into their problems but I understood they were probably distraught. I then opted to work really hard to become an extrovert when I turned 16. It took a good 3 to 5 years till I became someone who would now just not shut up! Ooops this is not obviously sounds like a bad decision I made. I am a sponge who is now over absorbed and hates being alone. I go in the vicious cycle of being exhausted and not being able to sit still/alone to re-ground myself with my own emotions and work my own problems. Cause I am now 24/7 involved in other people’s matters and issues. So fellow empaths, do yourself some service and if you are introverted – cherish that and stay there. Although I think all of us need a balance. I am currently working hard on finding a balance I would never like to go back to who I was a teenager and clearly where I am right now is uncomfortable – goal is to strike a balance somewhere right smack dab in the middle.
As empaths it is also very hard to make friends and relationships. The less than luke warm intensity of fake societal friendships and relationships drives an empath insane. What is the point of having 300 friends and acquaintances when they will never know what you are going through and you can’t think of ONE person who will drop everything and rush to you, like you would to them? Yet we continue to search for meaningful relationships, only to continue coming up empty handed.
Now onto being strong – being an emotional sponge, I cry easy. Hell I saw a girl outside crying on the phone talking to someone, I walked upto her eventually to ask if she is okay and as she cried explaining to me how she got in a fight with her sister – I started to cry too. It seemed ridiculous but as I cried with her – she cried more. I offered to sit with her and talk if it will help, and she called me “such a sweet person” and we both cried even more. Eventually I had to walk away – there was nothing I could do to fix the situation for her but just offer to talk. This was a month ago, and I still wonder what happened to her and I hope she is okay. There are several such incidents in my life where I ran into people who seemed distraught and to this day I wonder what happened to them. But here is what I have to say.
Society has taught us what being strong means, all wrong. They say you cry too easy – you are weak. They say being stone cold and showing no emotions, not letting anyone get to you is strong. Heck I envied and wanted to be that person so badly. But that is not true! Holding the weight of the world and helping others is what takes strength, making others smile while you are hurting inside is what takes strength.
Society says “Look he is strong, he beat that guy down” and everyone cheers on the bully. People call the person who stood there and took it weak. But guess what? standing there and being the person takes alot of strength, being humiliated takes alot of strength. Hoping you can set an example, by being humble and continue smiling takes alot of strength. A weak person is someone who throws his fists in a fight first or has no control over their anger and emotions. A weak person is someone who brings others down verbally too by taking jabs. So society has taught us all wrong.
BUT…and this is a huge BUT
Being strong also does not mean never standing up for yourself, to continue crying for others and ignoring when you have had enough. To continue to understand other people’s perspective yet standing up and saying you don’t agree with it because they hurt you. Being strong also doesn’t mean to keep your pain inside and never show it to others. To continue wearing masks and hiding behind laughter. It take’s alot of strength to share pain and show weakness. And it is okay strong people have weak days too! Lets just hope when you do decide to share, there is an empath present to suck it all up otherwise your shit outta luck (haha sorry there goes a dumb joke, I know I said I won’t get whacky but I did)
It sucks right now in life, I live 1.5 hour drive away from all my family and my friends are all out of state. The few back home are too busy (The weak empath in me understands their lives and refuses to ask for help). I can’t drive and visit cause of my injuries (I have discussed them on and off in previous blog posts) and as I go through some of the most difficult times in my life, as I sat here and cried all morning – all I wanted was a hug! all I wanted was a close friend. Someone close enough that I could reach out to, who would understand and drive over – like I would for not just a friend but even acquaintances (cause I am just that retarded of an empath). This is one of toughest times I have gone through in my life and I have shared why with some and maybe someday I will be strong enough to show it on the blog. But as I sat here and could not think of ONE name that would be willing enough to spend some time sitting on the couch with me, letting me cry as I fall apart and try to pick myself back upfor the thousandth time. I told myself….you are strong! And this will only make you stronger. You will go through this alone without a hug and when you come out you will never have to feel this pain again.
So guys when in despair and breaking down, you know there is always ONE person you can depend on…and that is you. You might not be able to hug yourself or comfort yourself like a friend. But you can give yourself pep talks and uplift yourself. You can tell yourself the future self will be man of steel like superman and nothing will touch them cause the worse would have passed. But one thing to always keep in mind, something I am trying to incorporate more in my thought process – life never gets easy. You will always realize there is more to learn, more to feel and more to change. You can only be happy if you realize that unhappiness will always be a part of all our lives.
And as an empath – I always try to use my pain and learning moments to help others hence this post. Cause as I have said before on the blog, I would never wish my pain, confusion and sense of loss on anyone else so I continue to help others. And that is the true mark of being an empath. May we continue to burn the light of hope bright but learn to take some time for ourself to recuperate and also learn to put ourselves first.
Bye Loves!
